What I want nowhas nothing at all
to do with anything more
I can do for anyone else
other than myself.
And it has to be more
and it has to be now
and it can’t be for nobody
but for myself.
What I wanted was
never a reality
and never received
and never even asked, for
fear of disappointment.
I've always asked less
and hoped for less
and expected less
to be happy with less…
than what I ever wanted.
Now what I want
is connected to everything
and connected to nothing
but that which I hunger for
and am driven to want.
What is satisfying?
…addiction to wanting
fuels the hunger for wanting
for more than enough,
when life ain’t so fulfilling.
And it will be more
and it will be now
and it won’t be for nobody
but for myself.
Or else I’m not alive,
and I won’t find my path
and I won’t feel like anyone
and I won’t be myself.
Still seething from the turmoil in our community, but keeping my writings to myself. Here is an older poem filled with agressive drive. I'll need all the drive I can get, to leave behind Macbeth's "Gentlewoman" and find my center with the Buddha.
Very nice, Diane...
ReplyDeletealong the journey
we met, we sang, we wept, we laughed,
until we knew we were more or less similar,
what we want is connected to everything
and connected to nothing
it's then our real journey began -
each alone, but together
i think Buddha was in many ways a better choice than Gentlewoman...though Buddha's half-mocking smile makes me nervous, sometimes...must say its reducing with age :)
a long comment...and nice to connect after a long time, Diane :)
wishes,
devika
when things like this happen those ripples are felt for years to come...on seas so choppy finding your legs will not bea quick and easy thing...and the trip is once you find them not letting a errant wave take them again...nice write...
ReplyDeleteBe Buddha not with Buddha
ReplyDeleteNo advice about anything, only this: This poem is glorious!
ReplyDeleteaddiction to wanting
ReplyDeletea terribly difficult thing to leave behind, a motivation that goes against all things at peace, i think. something i'm working on.
xo
erin
indeed, glorious.
ReplyDeleteit somehow made me think of this poem, though the tone is different, the deep meaning is the same, i think:
Me (by TADA CHIMAKO)
As happy as a cabbage,
I am planted in the earth.
When I carefully strip off the words
I am wearing,
my nonexistence is proven—
and the existence of my root as well….